So...Why do I want to Teach?

I am about to apply to the teacher education program at my local university and am making plans at the same time to quit my job of two years that makes me about 40k a year and ensures a relatively comfortable life. This career change is fraught with anxiety, as any change is bound to be, and I am examining it with a fine toothed comb before I turn in my resignation. In truth, I have about six months before that would have to happen. I am on a one year contract that will end in October with my current employer. I am 2 years shy of thirty which is also making me firmly question my desires and pressuring me to make sure I am doing this for the right reason. My husband is also making the move into education but he is no stranger to the field. With his four degrees, he has been in school since he was five. His transition will be from student to teacher. Together we share three great passions (besides our passion for one another) – a love for knowledge and all forms of learning, a passion for nature and the land, and a desire to travel. Education for both of us will open many doors. Not only do we get to be in a constant environment where learning is guaranteed but we also have a chance to travel. A career as teachers will ensure we can get a job practically anywhere. Low pay does not concern us; we live simply and have few needs. Summers off is also very appealing.

However, it occurred to me that I should not look at this career change in the terms of logistics only. I started to ask myself very probing questions. Such a decision should not be taken lightly. I thought back to my childhood and my school experience. I grew up in a rural Midwestern town and my school (elementary, middle, and senior) boasted an impressive population of about 300 students. All students were allowed to participate in all extracurricular activities, the class size was under thirty, and from kindergarten through twelfth grade, my classmates were always the same. I loved this rural feel and I long for it now as I am about to send my son into an inner city kindergarten that has so many students, their kindergarten is divided into three sections. (I know that is considered rural to many but it is mind boggling to me).

More than anything, I felt safe at my school. My household harbored secret abuse and was a place of chaos. When I was at school, though, I was someone. The teachers realized my potential and I loved that I could be myself and have no fear. I loved the chance to leave home and the chaos behind and ride the ten miles to school on that long yellow bus where I could pretend I was someone else – someone secure and confident, someone who did not have to fend off unwanted advances or abrupt blows at every turn. School revealed to me my love in life, the utter joy I feel when reading a tale or writing a story, and when I returned home for those bleak hours before the next school day started I could lose myself in those stories. I had wonderful teachers as well. Not all of them were excellent but to their credit, they all had a kind word for me or praise when I received a good mark, which was more than I received at home. How I would love to provide that same feeling of well deserved pride to a child in a reversed role.

Any life change does not come without fears, however, and this is no different for me. The thought of standing in front of a room filled with twenty kids who are hanging on my every word is somewhat daunting. The idea of always being cheerful and able to give praise, the ability to be patient as a saint, the pressure to live up to my children’s expectations is frightening. Truthfully, I am scared to death that my students will think I am downright boring. I have nightmarish visions of a roomful of rowdy students that refuse to listen and are throwing wads of paper all about while Jimmy is dunking little Susie’s braids into the paint I had reserved for a special art project. Fears aside, however, I think this decision will be one of the most rewarding decisions I have ever made. As I have learned with my son, teaching a child and making a difference in a child’s life is a remarkable experience. So…here’s to change and uncertainty.